Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
