just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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