Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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