Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
