I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
