TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
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Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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