Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
