I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
