i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
