this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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