y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
