Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
