There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
