Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
