I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I smell stomach acid.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
What happened to fro yo and sex?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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