Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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