the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
