you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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