i'm signing you up for texting rehab
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
