You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
