It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
