It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
