fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
