It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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