Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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