You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
