It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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