I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
