i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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