You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
