Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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