I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
