You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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