I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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