As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
