Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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