So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
