Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
