Me. At least after what I've been through.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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