I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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