there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
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