Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
