R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
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You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
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Your shirt... Was in my pants
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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