Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
