i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
