i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
