Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just blew my weed a kiss
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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