Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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