can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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