i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
