Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
