The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
