I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
