would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
