there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
