He uses pillows to masturbate.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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