we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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