shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
