the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
