she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.