there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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