I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.