This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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