Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
