I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You have to summon your inner elephant
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
