he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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