I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
