Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize