I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
