i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
